Wednesday, April 23, 2008

End Of An Error

On April 18th, Knicks fans throughout the country (if there are any left) finally had reason to rejoice. The day of reckoning had finally arrived. The Isiah Thomas error, erm… era, had come to end. New team president Donnie Walsh announced that Isiah’s tenure as head coach of the organization was over. This barely two weeks after he had replaced Isiah as team president. Excellent! Isiah Thomas is no longer a member of the Knicks organization!

What’s that you say? He’s still with the team in some capacity? Surely you jest! It was announced that Thomas would remain with the team in an as yet determined capacity. All that is known is that he will report directly to Donnie Walsh. Oh, right, we know one other thing too.
ESPN reported yesterday that Isiah Thomas is barred from having any contact at all with any player on the team.

Does anything about this seem odd to you? Who was the last head coach, in any sport, fired for cause to remain with the team in any capacity? I’m not talking about a Billy Martin here, who was fired and rehired more times than we can remember. It makes absolutely no sense. There are only two possible scenarios. Fellow Official Scorer Josh feels that this makes perfect pragmatic sense from a business perspective. You put Isiah in any important meeting you have, and this exchange becomes commonplace:

Donnie Walsh: Isiah, we have two options; ABC or XYZ, what do you think would be the better move?
Isiah Thomas: ABC.
Donnie Walsh: Excellent, XYZ it is, lets take lunch. Chinese or Deli?
Isiah Thomas: Chinese.
Donnie Walsh: Carnegie Deli then.

I agree that this would be an intelligent way to run the organization, but it seemed unlikely to me. I stand by my original theory; in fact I think this seals it. Three weeks ago, I presented the theory that Isiah Thomas has some sort of
blackmail material on team owner James Dolan. Doesn’t this just prove that theory? Tell me you aren’t one hundred percent sure that this conversation happened behind closed doors somewhere:

James Dolan: Listen, Isiah, I can’t keep you on as head coach, we’ll go bankrupt.
Isiah Thomas: I understand, but if you fire me outright, you know what happens…
James Dolan: Yea, I know, I’ll find something less high profile for you within the organization.

Think about it. Have you ever been fired for gross incompetence? Did you then get another job within the company? Have you ever fired someone for gross incompetence? Did you then give them a different job within the company? NO! I really want to know what this blackmail material is, don’t you?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A Numbers Game

Well, I have finally found something that irked me enough to make me post. It is something so trivial, so banal, so... stupid that I could not pass up the chance to rant. Uniform numbers are one of the more important superstitions in sports. While some people could seemingly care less about them, others are amazingly attached to a particular number for one reason or another. This brings me to two number related issues that have popped up this week. First, we have the great Yankee controversy over the number 21.

Paul O'Neill, a much beloved Yankee from the days of the last dynasty, will always be remembered for his intensity and his true warrior spirit. When Morgan Ensberg arrived in Tampa as a non-roster invitee in February, he was assigned the number 21. This had marked the first time since Paul O’Neill had retired following the 2001 season that the Yankees even allowed the number to be worn. When Ensberg made the team at the end of spring training, he decided to give up the number that had been assigned to him rather than continue to be booed by Yankee fans. He said he would not wear Paul O'Neill's number, and many fans appreciated that simple gesture. Just as it seemed like a great controversy have been averted, LaTroy Hawkins, a newly signed free agent (one year deal I might add), snapped up the number in order to honor the late, great Roberto Clemente. This led to some predictable booing and chants of "Paul O'Neill" at the stadium during the team’s first homestand.

According to
Peter Abraham, LaTroy has bowed to pressure and changed his number to 22 (the Roger Clemens lobby is significantly less...existent). Abraham chides Yankee fans for behaving without class. While I do agree with the general theory that booing your own player is counterproductive unless he is dogging it, I think Peter is wrong on this one. LaTroy showed a frightening lack of foresight in taking a number that had just become available because a teammate opted to show respect for its previous wearer. Maybe Paul O'Neill was not good enough to justify retiring his number, but it is obvious that a lot of fans disagree. A new player, especially a mediocre relief pitcher, should probably avoid such obvious pitfalls if he wants to be loved by the fans. LaTroy makes a lot of money being a marginally useful player; I cannot really summon up outrage at the fact that he had to be exposed to the horror of verbal taunts for doing something so obviously shortsighted.

While we are on the subject of uniform number lunacy, this Jackie Robinson thing is giving me a bit of a headache. Junior Griffey started this whole thing as a personal tribute to Robinson, and asked his widow last year for permission to wear 42 for one day. I can respect that, especially the part where he asked permission. At this point though, anarchy has taken over. There is no rhyme or reason to who wore 42 the other day. The entire "Just Rays" team wore the number, including random white guys (yes, I'm being racist, sue me. EDITOR'S NOTE: Please don't sue us!). Meanwhile, four Yankees wore 42, including Robinson Cano, who was named after the Dodger great (and wears 24 as a tribute to him). Also sporting the number was of course, Mariano Rivera, who incidentally will be the only player in baseball wearing 42 today. If Major League Baseball mandates that everyone wears the number for one day, fine. But this manner of “tribute” is just plain silly, and vaguely annoying to boot. Incidentally, Fellow Official Scorer David finds it hypocritical that you can honor a player both by making sure no one ever wears his number again and by having everyone wear his number for a day.

Some interesting number-related phenomena for you to consider:
  • The Yankees were the first Major League team to sport uniform numbers when they did so in 1929. Originally the numbers corresponded to the batting order (Ruth - 3, Gherig - 4)
  • Ricky Henderson, upon being traded to the Blue Jays in 1993, paid teammate Turner Ward $25,000 to give up the number 24 that Henderson had always worn.
  • When Roger Clemens was traded to the Yankees following the 1998 season, he couldn’t get his traditional 21 because it was being worn by none other than Paul O’Neill. He originally opted for the reverse number 12, but eventually decided to just move up one and go with 22.
  • When the 2007 season began and the Yankees were in the running for Clemens’ services once again, Cano changed his number from 22 to 24 to make way for Clemens return.
  • When Ensberg decided to give up the number 21 he wanted to wear 14 instead. He reportedly offered fellow benchwarmer Wilson Betemit $5000 for the number to no avail.
  • Assuming that the Yankees are not issuing the number 6 (which will likely be retired one day) the lowest number that could be worn by a player signed by the Yankees today would be 21.
  • Turk Wendell was so superstitious about his number, 99, that when he was given a three year, ten million dollar contract by the Mets following the 2000 season, he reportedly asked to be paid one cent less so that his contract would be worth $9,999,999.99.
  • Bill Veeck, owner of the St. Louis Browns and known for his shenanigans, once secretly signed dwarf Eddie Gaedel (who was 3’7” and had a strike zone measuring 1.5 inches high). Gaedel had one plate appearance in the second game of a doubleheader in 1951. He walked on four consecutive pitches and was removed for a pinch runner. His uniform number was 1/8.
  • Ty Cobb, considered by many to be one of the greatest (and most racist) baseball players of all time did not have his uniform number retired by the Tigers. He retired in 1926 and never wore a number on his uniform.
  • When pitcher Andy Messersmith signed with the Atlanta Braves in 1976, owner Ted Turner asked him to put the word “CHANNEL” on his uniform instead of his name. When combined with the 17 that Messersmith wore, the jersey read as a free advertisement for the channel on which Braves games aired. Major League Baseball quickly ended this shenanigan.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Letter To Donnie Walsh

Donnie Walsh
President of Basketball Operations, New York Knicks
Madison Square Garden

Two Pennsylvania Plaza
New York, NY, 10121-0091
cc: James Dolan


Dear Mr. Walsh:

Congratulations on being named as the President of Basketball Operations for the New York Knicks! Here at The Official Scorers we could not be happier for you. You have said that the first thing you will do is evaluate every key member of the organization, from coaches down to players. You will (hopefully) come to the inevitable conclusion that current head coach (and your predecessor as team President) Isiah Thomas needs to be given a one-way bus ticket out of town. Therefore we thought it would be helpful if we provided you a comprehensive list of qualified replacement candidates who make sense from both a business as well as a basketball perspective. We have listed both pros and cons of each candidate for easy reference.

Mark Jackson:

The Daily News is reporting that Jackson is the leading candidate among fans to take over the Knicks Head Coaching job. You have said that you are willing to embrace the Knicks history in your search for new personnel. Jackson has no coaching experience, and the last thing the Knicks need right now is another neophyte coach hired based on nepotism. I know that you have a tendency to do just that however, as you gave both Larry Bird and Isiah Thomas their first head coaching jobs in Indiana. The former first round draft pick who played five seasons in two stints with the Knicks would be an odd choice for the top job, but he would probably make a good assistant coach, opening the door for future consideration

Cons:
No coaching experience

Pros:
Knows New York, the Knicks and the Garden
The Fans love him




Patrick Ewing:

Despite reportedly endorsing Mark Jackson for the top spot, Ewing may be the more intelligent choice. While he also lacks head coaching experience, Ewing has at least been an assistant coach with three different teams (Washington (2003-04), Houston (2004-06) and currently Orlando). If Mark Jackson is a fan favorite than Ewing would have to be a fan deity. If nothing else, this move would put butts in seats, at least until the novelty wears off. Ewing’s stock has never been higher after being elected to the Hall of Fame this week. This would also provide Ewing an opportunity to change people’s perception of him as a choker.

Cons:
No head coaching experience

Pros:
Knows New York, the Knicks and the Garden
The Fans love him
Experience as an assistant coach
His stock has never been higher
He would sell tickets



Scott Skiles:
The former head coach of both the Suns and the Bulls is currently unemployed and would be a good fit for this Knicks team. For starters, he’s one of the few logical candidates who actually has legitimate NBA coaching experience. On the downside, he never played in New York, or coached in New York and may not be ready for the pressure cooker that is Madison Square Garden. He is a defense oriented coach, and that would be a good fit for the Knicks.

Cons:
Doesn’t know New York
Isn’t loved by fans
May be seen as a “safe” choice
Won’t do anything to sell tickets

Pros:
Has legitimate coaching experience
Values defense



John Calipari:

Calipari just came within one Mario Chalmers miracle three-pointer of winning his first NCAA national title. His stock has never been higher. He’s an excellent player’s coach. And who better to run the 2008 draft for the Knicks than a man who intimately knows all the talented players entering the draft? He even has NBA coaching experience, having coached the Nets in the late nineties for two and a half seasons. Its hard to know for sure if he can make the transition from elite college coach to elite NBA coach, but he would certainly sell some tickets and would be a popular choice among fans and pundits alike.

Cons:
College coaches sometimes have a hard time coaching in the NBA
His record with the Nets was an unspectacular 72-112 with one playoff appearance
Might not be ready for New York pressure

Pros:
His stock has never been higher
He has intimate knowledge of the 2008, and much of the 2009 draft classes
His intensity would be welcome in New York
He would sell tickets



Spike Lee:

You would be hard pressed to find someone who knows the Knicks better than Lee. He attends every single Knicks home game. He’s been to more Knicks games at the Garden in the last three and a half years than Stephon Marbury has! Of course his deep love of the Knicks could be a weakness, and you never know when he is going to get a technical for taunting an opposing player. But he is going to be on the floor for every home game anyway, may as well put him to use.

Cons:
He’s Spike Lee

Pros:
He’s Spike Lee



Krusty the Clown:

A dark horse candidate to be sure, but he would still be an upgrade over the current coach. He would definitely sell tickets, and would gain popularity for thinking outside of the box. He would probably be able to handle the New York pressure, though most likely by drinking.

Cons:
He’s a fictional, cartoon, alcoholic clown

Pros:
You probably won't see a discernable difference in team performance

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Isiahs

We here at the Official Scorers felt that it was vitally important to acknowledge the sheer lack of intelligence that is so pervasive in the sports world. After much debate as to how to go about this, Josh had a breakthrough: How better to pay homage to sports idiocy than through the best current example? Therefore, we have created a scale with which to rate sports-related stupidity. The scale is in terms of a man whose levels of ineptitude are so great that he ran the CBA right into the ground. That’s right, we’re talking about the man who destroyed the Toronto Raptors. None other than the man who has ruined one of the NBA’s most beloved franchises… both as their president and as their head coach… no easy feat, I assure you. Ladies and Gentlemen, The Official Scorers are proud to present The Isiahs:

David Stern:


There is no love lost between the city of Seattle and the commissioner of the NBA. His duplicitous dealings pertaining to the Sonics leaving Seattle are downright sleazy. He helped billionaire Clay Bennett in his attempts to blackmail the Seattle legislature into approving public funding for a five-hundred million dollar arena to replace the perfectly functional Key Arena in which the Sonics currently play. Despite Seattle’s deep love for the one professional sports team to bring home a championship (1979), the city refused to be blackmailed. Good for them! Professional sports teams are among the most profitable business models in the United States. They are owned by billionaires and multi-national corporations. Why the hell should the fans that pay for the tickets, pay for the merchandising and root for the teams have to buy them a place to play when they already have one?! It is deplorable. But we expect this kind of thing from scumbags like Bennett. But for David Stern to allow him to move the Sonics to his hometown of Oklahoma City (and we all know what a major cash cow that market is for sports teams), that is just plain despicable.

2 Isiahs



Jose Canseco:

The 1988 American League MVP has cemented his legacy… as one of the biggest douchebag crybabies of all time. This is a man who made it clear that he wrote his first book Juiced because he was pissed off that he was unable to find a team to play for at the end of his career because he was the poster boy for steroids. So he decided to throw under the bus anyone he knew to be juicing. Fine. We get it. We don’t approve, but we get it. Now its three years later, the backlash from his book has played its course and the spotlight is no longer on his diva-ness. So what does he do? He spends six months telling anyone who will listen that “he has plenty of shit on A-Rod”. Then he releases another book naming more names and unveiling the “shit” he has on A-Rod. It turns out that the big scandal is that Canseco once introduced A-Rod to a man who happened to have sold steroids. Well, duh! We imagine it would be damn near impossible to be introduced to anyone at Canseco’s barbeques that didn’t use or sell ‘roids! Oh. Right, did we mention that apparently A-Rod also hit on Canseco’s wife while they were still married? (Have you seen his ex-wife? Can you blame him?) And did we mention that Canseco has publicly said that because of this he “fucking hates A-Rod”. Here, enjoy one of our all time favorite bloopers:



3.5 Isiahs


James Dolan:

As Josh mentioned in his AL East Preview, James Dolan is the second worst owner in professional sports. We simply don’t have the time or space to properly list all of his transgressions, but lets name a few. He gave Allan Houston a six year, one hundred million dollar contract in 2001 when no other team had offered him even seventy-five. He paid Larry Brown approximately twenty-eight million dollars (between salary and buyout) to coach the Knicks for one season to a 23-59 record. He made Isiah Thomas, a man whose professional accomplishments (as mentioned above) included destroying the CBA and the Toronto Raptors, the General Manager and President of Basketball Operations. Since Thomas became the GM on December 22, 2003 the Knicks are a staggering one hundred games under .500 (133-233 including playoffs). They have zero playoff victories. This, combined with his stellar 131-115 record (and three first round exits) as the Pacers’ head coach between 2000 and 2003 made him the obvious candidate to take over as head coach (in addition to keeping his position as GM) after the Brown debacle. Finally, after Isiah’s adolescent-style sexual harassment cost Dolan eleven and a half million dollars in damages, Dolan reiterated (as he has many times) that Isiah’s job is 100% secure.

4.5 Isiahs


Isiah Thomas:

The man himself… where to begin? Since his complete and utter ineptitude at everything that isn’t the actual playing of basketball has already been well documented in this inaugural presentation of the Isiahs, we will just ask the one question that has been eating away at us for the past five years: What the hell does Isiah Thomas have on James Dolan?!? Is it photographic evidence that Dolan murdered a hooker? Proof that he flew to Thailand on the company dime to have sex with a twelve year old boy? Evidence that he owns a sweatshop? Is Isiah holding Dolan’s family hostage? There has to be some blackmail involved here, right? Nothing else makes sense! Isiah runs the team into the ground as general manager, making sure the team has no cap space for the next five years, making horrible trades (including trading away desperately needed first round picks!) and horrible signings and Dolan announces that his job is safe. The 2005-2006 team had the league’s highest payroll at one-hundred thirty million dollars and finished dead last in the East at 23-59 and Dolan not only announces that his job is safe, but that Isiah will be taking over the coaching duties for the following season! Isiah costs the organization eleven and a half million dollars because of his sexual harassment suit and Dolan announces that his job is safe. Droves of fans begin chanting “Fire Isiah” at games, selling “Fire Isiah" merchandise outside the Garden and Dolan announces that his job is safe. Donnie Walsh is hired to replace Isiah as President of Basketball Operations and Dolan announces that Isiah’s job as head coach (where he currently sports a 53-103 record in most of two seasons) is still not in jeopardy. What the hell does a guy have to do to get fired under Dolan? We can reach no conclusion except that somewhere in a safe deposit box owned by Isiah Thomas, there is blackmail material that is so terrible, so damning, so inflammatory, that James Dolan cannot fire him for fear of shame, reprisal or perhaps even prosecution.

A Perfect 5